Tomorrow

I know I haven't posted my pictures from New Years. I might get around to it some day. But for now, I have to write about one of the gazillion things that is spinning around in my brain tonight.

It's 10:01pm right now, on our last night in the Hiddenspring house, the house that we were only supposed to be in for 3-4 months. That would have easily been the shortest stint in a home for us. Instead, it ended up being the longest, just 3 months shy of 4 years.

I watched my Preston get his first set of stitches here (and my Abby, and my Carson). I watched Abby take her first steps and say her first words here. I watched Carson go to his first day of preschool and Kindergarten from this house. I watched Preston get baptized and a few days later I brought home a sweet little baby boy (and watched him take his first steps and all that precious stuff).

There were times when I didn't feel like this was my home, but I don't feel that way at all now. There is so much here. It's harder than I thought to leave.

The boys have been in tears today. Hard ones, actual torrents of tears, right before bed (I'm sure sleep deprivation had nothing to do with it). I told them about my own moving away story. How I remember my own mother crying at the family room window when we had to leave Kittitas to move to no-mans land (aka Harrington). I also remember when she told us that we were leaving no-mans land. Heather cried but my mom was grinning more than I had ever seen her. I think Mom had a different perspective than the rest of us. Then I told them the best advice I had ever gotten about moving.

I was packing up our Eagle Mountain home, thinking about leaving two of my beloved sisters and more friends than I had ever had. Not to mention the dozens of little boys that were always around to show Preston a good time. I was devastated to leave. I didn't want to move to San Jose. It wasn't fair. Preston caught me sobbing. He asked why and the only thing I could think to say was that I was going to miss all my friends. He told me, in the most matter-of-fact tone, that I could just make new friends. All I had to do was tell them my name.

I told him he was right and that I had made such good friends in San Jose. Then I had to leave. But I made some stellar friends in Chino Hills, too. Now I have friends all over. I told him we are so lucky.

I was just telling him that to hopefully give him some sense of comfort, although the more I think about it the more I believe it. So why am I so sad to leave? I don't want to. I don't want to leave my friends. It's not fair.

But anyway, it's 10:16pm and the moving truck will be here at 8:30am and I still have my last minute bedroom and pantry stuff to pack.

I'm just going to have to pack them lugging around this very heavy heart that's in my chest right now.