Pre-Birthday Bash

We were weak and let Carson open a couple of gifts tonight. Okay, we weren't so much weak as we were having scheduling conflicts. His big party is on Sunday, but we couldn't let his real birthday go by uncelebrated. Unfortunately, Trevor has to go to the temple tomorrow with the youth. Not that that's a bad place to be, it's great and all, it just happens to be on Carson's birthday! Am I rambling? Yep. So, we had cupcakes and he opened a gift from us and one from Auntie Becky. Naturally, I started thinking back on Carson's entry into our family. I had a friend ask me once if I loved my kids so much that it could make me cry. Let's see...

I vividly remember labor, delivery, everything with him. I can't believe he's 4. He doesn't seem 4. It seems like yesterday I had him. I remember inwardly panicking after I had him. I loved him, but not as forcefully as I had with Preston. I had this fear the whole time I was pregnant with him. How on earth was I going to love another child as much as I loved Preston? Now my worst nightmare was coming true (I'm sure everyone had this fear, but, unlike me, you all felt an instant connection with baby #2...don't judge me)! That night, after everyone had gone home, including Trevor and Preston, I drifted into an uneasy sleep. A few hours later the nurse brought Carson to me to feed. As I nursed him, in the dark and quiet, I started to fall head over heels in love with this little dude. When he finished eating, I held him and played with his fingers and toes and just drank him in. It was there, that forceful love I feared I wouldn't feel for him. It knocked me over and I cried those happy mama tears. I remember feeling like I couldn't see enough of him. I would look at his face and want to see his tummy, look at his tummy and want to see his knees. It took 8 hours or so but the love came and it was almost more powerful than it had been with Preston.

He's so different from Preston and Abby. He's independent, stubborn, hi-freakin-larious, and is so, so sweet too. He loves the outdoors. He makes up his own songs and jokes. He quotes movies (just like his dad). He talks to Abby in the most annoying high pitched squeak that, I'm sure, he thinks, she loves. He loves dirt and is magnetically drawn to puddles and mud. He's smart. He's scrawny, but he can eat all day long (we call him our garbage disposal). He's brave (likes all the lights out but compromises because Preston needs the bathroom light on). And he has the most contagious laugh.

Happy Birthday Carse. I love you. I love you to tears.